What makes us who we are
by Paige Jennings
Summary: We all know Thomas Barrow. He's cold, sly, arrogant, self-confident and selfish and has only proofed on rare occasions, that he is after all in Possession of a heart. He's a thief a coward and a liar. But why is that? What did life do to him? This story is about his childhood and his life before he came to Downton. Hope you enjoy. Please comment and criticize


**What makes us who we are**

**Chapter 1**

Thomas felt how something hard hit the back off his head. He turned arround angrily and saw his sisters standing behind him, shaking with laughter.

„I know it was you!", he shouted.

Ada chuckled, wiping a tear from the corner of her eye. „ Of course it was us!"

She held up one hand so Thomas could see the second snowball, then she leaned down to her little sister. „Where should I throw it Cathy?"

„Into his face", the little blond mumbled, hiding her naïve smile behind her little hands.

Ada hit him exactly in the middle of his face and the two girls bursted into laughter.

Quietly cursing, Thomas bend down and formed his own ball from the white, powdery snow beneath his feet.

„Oh oh." For a few seconds Ada stood there and watched Thomas form the shot, before she decided to lift Catherine up and run.

Not long and Thomas was after them. But Ada was the faster runner and Cathy was not a heavy load, so he didn't catch up so easily.

„I`m gonna get you!"

„No!"

Thomas threw his snowball and missed only a few inches.

He could hear Ada laugh, but suddenly she tripped and could only manage to catch herself up, so she wouldn't fall on Cathy.

That was all Thomas needed. He accelerated and threw himself onto his sisters.

The girls shrieked.

„No! Please!", Ada plead. She was still chuckling silently, breathless from the run. The wag still sparkled in her eyes. „Please! No! Please!"

But it was too late. Thomas took a big hand of snow and smacked it into her face.

She shrieked, spluttered and shook her head like a dog. „Okay, okay I give up!"

„And what am I gonna do with you?"

He turned to his little sister and took her up by th collar, smiling evilly.

She cried out. „Please Thomas, don't be mean!"

He smirked. „It's to late for that."

He took a handful of snow and let it trickle into the collar of Cathys coat.

„That's COLD!"

Thomas chuckled. „Do you give up?"

„Yes, yes I give up! Just let me down!"

So he set her gently back onto her feet and tousled her blond curls.

„Friends?"

„Friends."

„So what do you say? You want to go to the lake? Maybe it froze up."

„Yes!" Catherine smiled brightly. „Let's go to the lake Thomas! Please, please!" She started to jump up and down. „I want to go to the lake!"

Thomas laughed. „Alright, alright we're going. But only if you stop jumping on my feet."

She stopped immediately.

„ And what about me?", Ada shouted after them. She was still sitting in the snow.

„You stay there. Cathy and I will pick you up later."

She reached out her hands, hoping Thomas would help her up. He didn't

„Help me up!"

He chuckled. „You're a big girl Ada. Don't you always tell anyone your my _big sister_."

„Because I am! I am twenty minutes older than you!"

„Well than I'm sure you can manage without me."

„Thomas!"

She threw an angry look at her twin brother and followed the two of them.

„You're a lousy gentleman, you know that?"

Thomas kept silent and smirked.

For a while the three children walked through the woods and none of them said word. They all enjoyed the beauty of the forest.

The snow had buried the whole ground under a thick blanket of snow and the frost had covered all the trees with ice that glittered in the cold winter sun.

Little snowflakes began to fall and caught up in the children's hair.

„And what will Santa bring you this year?", Thomas asked his sister, without taking his eyes of the beautiful sight.

When she didn't reply he looked to his left and saw that she was no longer by his side. He had not even realized how she had let go his hand.

He turned arround and couldn't resist smiling when he saw Catherine standing there. She had put here head back and stared up into the sky, eyes wide.

„Hurry up! Before you freeze on the spot!"

„But Thomas, look how beautiful this is!"

„Then imagine how beautiful the lake will be", Ada replied, smiling about her fascination.

Cathy thought about her sisters words and decided that she had a point. She took Thomas hand and they kept on walking.

„ I think I like the winter", she asserted out of nowhere.

The twins looked at her.

„And why is that?"

„I like the snow and Christmas and moms baking. And I like building a snowman, making snow angels and throwing snowballs at Thomas."

The girls chuckled.

„That's also one of my favorite sports", Ada said cheerful.

„You two have plotted against me."

The girls looked at each other „We? Never!"

Thomas chose not to hear the irony in Adas words and looked down at Cathy instead.

She was the only one with mothers golden hair, but she had the same pale skin and the same light blue eyes as Ada and him. She was a sweet girl and no matter what she did, Thomas could never be angry with her for long.

Cathy felt her brothers eyes on her and smiled up at him and Thomas smiled back at the seven-year-old.

„How far is it to the lake Thomas?"

„Not far. Look, you can already see it through the trees."

Cathy looked in the direction her brother was pointing and her eyes began to sparkle. „Can I go ahead?"

Thomas looked over to Ada. She shrugged. „Only if you don't step on the ice."

Cathy nodded.

Ada gave her a serious look. „Do you promise me?"

„I promise."

„Alright. Go then. But be careful!"

But Cathy didn't hear her sisters last words. She had already run off.

Ada and Thomas looked after her and an awkward silence settled.

It was strange. They loved each other dearly and knew each other better than anyone knew they could trust each other and could argue without losing this trust. They were in each others presence ever since birth, but something had become strange, somehow unfamiliar, between them. An invisible wall had built and neither of them knew how to break it down.

Thomas got aware of that every time they were alone and that made him only more uncomfortable.

It had all started a few month ago, when their parents decided it was time for them to have „their own room". They had set up a screen between their beds and bought Ada a little wardrobe for herself.

They didn't talk every night anymore. They had removed the screen just once, to talk, but father had come in by surprise and he had grown furious.

„You're thirteen years old now! You are not children anymore! Now set up the damn screen before I come and help you!"

Thomas had never seen his father like that. Usually he was calm and reticent but he had shouted at them, face reded, spitting spite, hands clenched to fists. Thomas had truly feared that he was going to hit him. His father had never hit him.

Ever since that incident they had never removed th screen aigan.

Also they didn't play like they used to, because Ada didn't want Thomas to touch her. A while ago, they had played together and Thomas tripped and pulled her down with him. He fell on her and laid one hand on her chest accidentally and felt her breast. startled he took his hand away. Ada looked as him awkwardly and crawled away a little.

Ever since, he didn't know how to act around her. It felt unnatural.

It was only okay when they were arround other people. Than they acted like always. Laughing, joking, just normal.

„C'mon Thommy. Let's go before she dies from over-exitement." Ada smiled and it seemed rather effortless.

They finished the last part of the way silent, eying Cathy as good as possible through the trees.

She reached the lake jumping up and down in excitement, impatiently waiting for her brother and sister.

„Finally! I thought you'd never come!"

„We were only one minute behind", Ada said. „Now stop jumping or the ice will break before we even tried to step on it."

„Can I go first?", she asked her eyes sparkling of joy.

Ada raised an eyebrow. „You know the rules. First Thomas, then me and only, _only _if it holds us, you can come."

Catherine sighed. „Yes I know."

„Good."

Thomas looked arround. The lake was rather small, but to big to call it a pond. It seemed to be completely frozen. The snowfall had grown stronger, so he raised a hand to protect his eyes from the snow.

carefully he set one foot on the icecap. When it didn't make a sound he dared to set his other feet on it too. Slowly he worked his way up to the middle of the small lake.

He could feel his sisters' eyes on him, waiting for him to make an announcement. He jumped. When the ice didn't crack he turned arround. „It seemes to be alright."

Ada nodded and followed Thomas' example. But she only made a few steps, then turned arround to Cathy.

„C'mon Cathy. I Think you can come too."

The little girl, who had impatiently waited for these words, proofed to be less patient then her siblings and nearly slipped. Ada laughed and cought her up.

„Are you okay?"

The girl nodded fiercely. „Can you take my hand?"

Ada smiled and waited patiently for her sister to make a move „'Course."

Step by step they worked their way up to Thomas. Cathy got more confident with every step and even dared to let go Adas' hand.

After a while she got to confident and started to run around, laughing. Ada watched her closely. „Be careful Cathy!"

But she didn't listen, only ran further and started jumping wildly. Thomas only heard Ada yelling.

„Cathy stop!"

His heart skipped a beat when he heard a loud crack.

The next thing he saw was how Cathy broke through the surface.

Ada screamed.

He started running, not thinking about what he was doing.

„Stay where you are!", Thomas heard himself shout. His sounded voice strangely firm. When he reached the spot where Cathy broke in, he couldn't see his sister and jumped in, headfirst.

The coldness of the water was a shock and Thomas couldn't see a thing in the dark, dirty water but he ignored all that. He didn't even realize it.

He dived deeper and deeper, fearing he wouldn't find her, when he felt how a little hand brushed his slightly. He reached out and could only just grab her ankle.

He pulled her up and lifted her out of the water carefully, before he pressed himself up and crawled away from the hole in the icecap. Cathy lay beside him coughing, grey-faced, a terrified look in her big blue eyes.

Thomas stared over to Ada, breathing rolled over her cheeks. He could see how much she wanted to run over to Cathy but she didn't dare to move.

He stared directly into her eyes.

_Get off the ice_

She understood. They didn't need words to communicate.

Slowly she moved herself from the icecap, eyes fixed on Catherine.

Thomas kneeled beside his sister and took her little hand in his. „It's okay Cathy. I'm here, I'm here."

He waited until she coughed less, before he took her up and carried her of the ice like a bride. She wrapped her arms arround his neck and started crying silently. He patted her head without saying a word.

Back on the lakeside Ada came running to them. She was nearly as white in the face as Cathy.

„Cahty are you okay? God!" She kissed her sisters wet head and wrapped her up in her dry coat. „C'mon sweety we'll get you home."

They barely spoke a word on their way home. All three were very eager to get home, into the warmth.

Cathy was still crying and Thomas froze just as much as his sister, maybe even more.

People gave then strange looks, when they had left he forest and walked through the streets of town, but they ignored them.

All but one, who was staring at them so annoying that Ada turned arround to him. „Have you starred enough now you stupid moron?"

At that he blushed and lowered his head embarrassed.

When they reached the house they waited a second before they entered. Thomas and Ada shoot each other a glance. „Mother and father are going to kill us."

Thomas sighed, still carrying his sister. „I know. And they have every right to."

The twins took one last deep breath and entered the house.

Constance Barrow was already waiting for her children. The sun was setting and she had told them to be home before it was dark. „Where have you been? I was-" She broke of when she saw her three children.

Two of them were drenched, the third without a coat.

She stepped to Thomas, took Catherine from his arms and began to cradle the crying girl slightly.

„What happened?", she turned to the twins, stern but not harsh.

Ada took a deep breath, ready to explain when her father came in.

„What's going on?", he asked harshly, eying the twins.

Both stared down at their feet, guilty. Ada hemmed and hawed. „I- Thomas- We... We went to the lake... it was frozen up and we... we walked onto it and Cathy-"

„You want to tell me. You let your little sister onto the lake and she broke in?!"

„Yes father", Ada confessed quietly.

„Are you out of your minds?"

„Tom." Constance laid a hand on her husbands forearm. „Let's do that later. I want to get Catherine into dry clothes first and Thomas too. They'll get sick."

„Alright." Mr. Barrow calmed himself. „We'll do that after supper."

„Yes father", they answered with once voice, still looking down.

„And take you're shoes off before you make everything dirty."

Supper was rather quiet this evening. Non of them wanted to say wasn't there. She slept upstairs.

Suddenly Mr. Barrow banged his cutlery on the tabel quite loudly. They all looked up startled.

„How could you be so stupid?!", he ranted.

„Tom let's-", but Mr. Barrow cut his wife off. „No. I want to do this now!"

Ada tried to speak up. „Father we-"

„I don't want to hear anything! What were you thinking?! Cathy could have died! You could have died! I always took you for very mature. Seems i was wrong. I forbid you to go there ever aigan!"

„Listen father. We-"

„Be quiet girl! Go to your room! Supper is over for you."

Ada stood up and left the room, but she didn't go upstairs but out and smashed the front door behind her.

Mr. Barrow stood up to go and get his daughter back inside, but Constance stopped him. „Let her go. She'll come back in a minute. Let her calm down. It was hard for her too."

„The girl is too stubborn. We can't let allow that she does such things when ever she likes."

But he sat down again and finished his meal.

After supper Thomas went up. He had stolen a slice pf bread from the tabel for Ada.

He threw himself onto his bed and thought about what happened today. He felt terrible.

Suddenly the door opened and his mother came in.

„Are you okay honey?"

He set up and nodded. „I think so."

His mother set beside him and hugged him.

The boy fell into his mothers arms and finally started crying silently. Maybe it wasn't so bad after all.


End file.
